Passive Aggressive Christmas Gifts

I love the holidays,  but I hate feeling like I have to buy gifts for everyone who comes in contact with my child.  Don’t get me wrong —- I appreciate  (most) of his teachers, but Christmas is for children so I doubt they really need another apple shaped paperweight.   I do crochet things for those who I know well enough to know what they like, but a few people are added to the shopping list because I feel like I have to get something.   Here are a few suggestions for gifts that are just ambiguous enough to make them wonder,  “if it’s the thought that counts,  what were you thinking?”

 

For the person who thinks they deserve a Major Award, but you know better:

 

 

Major award

I wish that I could post a pattern, but it was really just trial and error.  This was crocheted, but I’m sure you can knit or sew one as well.

 

For the person who thinks they’re #1, but you know they are more like a big #2:

 

 

These are more cute than gross and taste great!

 

For those who think they have been nice, but you know they are on the naughty list:

DIY Charcoal Bath Bombs

  • 1/2 cup baking soda
  • 1/4 cup citric acid
  • 1/4 cup cornstarch
  • 1/4 cup Epsom salts
  • 1 tablespoon activated charcoal
  • 3 tablespoons vegetable oil
  • 1 tablespoon water
  • 1 teaspoon of black gel food coloring

In a bowl, combine your dry ingredients with a whisk.  Pour the vegetable oil, water, and 1/2 teaspoon of the food coloring into a spray bottle and mix well.  Here’s the tricky part–  spritz your dry ingredients with as little liquid as possible, mixing with the whisk until the mixture comes together.  Too much water will make it fizz too soon, leaving you with a useless mess.  Pack your mixture tightly into a bath bomb mold or just squish into a lump for a more realistic apprearance. Remove your finished bomb from its mold and allow to dry overnight.

For someone who doesn’t deserve a gross tub, but still deserves coal:

 

 

I couldn’t try them, because of the gluten. (Plus, I’m far too nauseated these days)   However,  N and my darling husband loved them.

 

For the guy who thinks he’s the messiah, but you just think he stinks:

 

Three Kings Soap:

Melt and pour soap

Frankincense essential oil

Myrrh essential oil

Gold cosmetic grade glitter

 

Directions:

Simply melt down the soap, add fragrance and glitter, then pour into molds.  Of course you can make soap the old fashioned way,  but I am not coordinated enough to play around with lye.

 

 

 

 

7 comments

  1. ellie894 · December 17, 2017

    These are great 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  2. loshame · December 17, 2017

    I like your post 😊.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sophia Ismaa Writes · December 18, 2017

    This is hilarious!
    “if it’s the thought that counts,  what were you thinking?” 😂

    Like

  4. Juliette Fallangy · December 18, 2017

    I couldn’t stop myself from laughing so loudluy that I disturbed my coworkers! LOVE THIS!

    Liked by 1 person

    • askagimp · December 18, 2017

      I’m glad you enjoyed it. I have a twisted sense of humor and this year I am annoyed by several of the people at school. Our son’s special ed team is amazing, but the principal and office staff flipped out about his “cross dressing”. I can’t believe that I actually had to explain why my severely autistic son prefers leggings instead of jeans. He’s comfy and the world is still turning. Nothing says, “you’re a turd and I am watching you” like poop cookies. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • Juliette Fallangy · December 18, 2017

        I think I’d rather kick her in the shin! I commend your patience!

        Like

      • askagimp · December 18, 2017

        Thankfully, the people in direct contact with him are amazing so I don’t want to cause too much trouble. I thought it would do more good to report them. In his case he is just struggling with sensory issues, and isn’t really fazed by people talking about him. His response to being called weird is “yeah, isn’t it great!” But I would be horrified if they treated a trans person like that. I don’t care if they don’t like it, but they do have to respect it. Surely they can find something better to do than being the fashion police.

        Like

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