(NSFW) In the Words of Salt n Pepper…

Let’s talk about sex, baby!

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I have had several people ask me about my sex life or just gimpy sex in general.  I thought it would be fun to answer them all in one monster post.  I do think that I should warn you that I don’t have a filter and I’m pretty open about sex.  If you are more modest then this may offend you.  The following post will contain discussions about human anatomy, fetish, sex therapy, sex workers, etc.  If you aren’t comfortable with any of this, then I understand and I will see you in the next post.

Do you have real sex with your husband?  If so, how?

This was by far the most frequent question asked.  I have to admit that I laughed at the “normal” part.  I never really cared for “normal” anything,  but I’m assuming they meant vaginal intercourse.   I have had 4 vaginal surgeries so we couldn’t do it that way while I was recovering each time.  There are other ways to be intimate and we took advantage of them all.  When I am okay for intercourse,  we do it like anyone who is able bodied.  I can even get on top if I am careful and hang on to the headboard for leverage.

 Do you still like sex?  Isn’t it just numb?

The spinal cord is a funny thing.  Someone can be paralysed or, in my case, have partial paralysis and still have quite a bit of feeling below their injury level.  Many people can’t feel anything superficial, but feel deep pressure in the muscles underneath their skin.  Some report that their nerves act strangely after.  For example, someone could be touching their back, but they feel it in their butt.   Others, like me, experience increased sensitivity and actually enjoy sex more after their injury.

 Is there anything different that you have to do, medically or otherwise, to have sex?

For me, not really, but a lot of wheelchair users do have some special needs.   Catheters are very common in the wheelchair community.   I have a sacral nerve stimulator that helps to stimulate the nerves that empty my bladder, but not completely.  I only need to cath 2x a day so I use a straight cath that is inserted to pee, then removed.  For those of us who can’t pee on their own at all, many people use an implanted catheter which means that it stays in the bladder.  A Foley catheter is inserted into the urethra and to have sex, a man can tape the tubing up the shaft of the penis and cover it with a condom.  A woman can simply push the tubing to the side.  This can be very uncomfortable so a supra pubic catheter  (a surgically implanted device that accesses the bladder through the belly) is often used.  Depending on the severity of the injury, men can have issues getting or maintaining an erection.   Viagra and vibrators can help tremendously.

Can you recommend anything that could make sex easier for someone with poor mobility?

Sex swings are very helpful and a lot of fun.  Many of us have a hydraulic lift that can used as a gimpy sex swing.

https://avacaremedical.com/pmi-hydraulic-patient-lifter?fee=14&fep=11212&gclid=Cj0KCQiAi7XQBRDnARIsANeLIetVdSlSwRDCNKu9_b7b-HkKYrdElLy9iS84gQk9yhkuEcm7rw9NCRgaAl0HEALw_wcB

pmi0087_hydraulicpatientlifter1

Sex furniture is very popular with able bodied people.

https://m.bonanza.com/listings/liberator-esse-lounge-chair-sex-lounger-64l-x-24w-x-24h/434098180?goog_pla=1&variation_id=221967627&gpid=173784728461&keyword=&goog_pla=1&pos=1o17&ad_type=pla&gclid=Cj0KCQiAi7XQBRDnARIsANeLIetgLF6pGuJqFHE894b60sBQlgYFAAylnW2sv7A2OqqbYrc7hDN7QqoaAvJ3EALw_wcB

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https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00690D9WQ/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_hXBdAbP4421M3

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For those who have problems with movement,  The Intimate Rider can assist with thrusting.   It’s basically a sexy, gimpy rocking chair.

cache_240_240_0_100_80_16777215_intimaterider_1

So does your husband have a fetish and that’s why he is still with you?

I won’t comment on my Hubby’s kinks in general,  but I will say that he isn’t a devotee and he isn’t trolling the medical supply store for dates.  A devotee is someone who has a fetish for disabled people.  I’m fine with whatever happens as long as it is safe, sane, and consensual, but I do have an issue with using someone as a gimpy sex toy.  Don’t use us as some weird bucket list item, but then refuse to date us.  We’re people, not sex slaves on wheels.

 

 The Happy Ending

This has become a ridiculously long post, but I think I covered most of the questions.  I hope this is helpful for curious able bodied people,  but also for wheelchair users who think they can’t have sex.  Doctors and caregivers often overlook sexuality in the disabled.   Many treat us like children which is very unfair.   Sex and intimacy are an important part of relationships and life in general.   I also wanted to note that I am not a doctor and this isn’t a replacement for medical advice.   This is based on my friends and my experiences so other people do things differently.

11 comments

  1. tonymarkp · November 16, 2017

    You have been very patient with the questions people asked. I actually would think it to be rude to ask such questions (I never asked you anything) but the fact that you answered everything kindly is really cool, because there’s nothing wrong with being curious. In fact, I think maybe people ask because also they are putting themselves in their shoes. They wonder what life would be like if they had a terrible accident, etc. Also, I really like your plug about the healthcare profession. That needs to change, for sure! In general, the doctor-patient relationship needs to change. Patients feel uncomfortable asking, and doctors are too used to not being asked questions.

    Liked by 1 person

    • askagimp · November 17, 2017

      If someone asks something really nosy to my face, then I give a sarcastic answer. My favorite is saying “someone Bran Starked me out a window” when a total stranger asks what’s wrong with me. But this is the perfect place to ask weird questions because they don’t know me. I agree with you that people worry what it would be like if they became disabled. Sadly, there is so much misinformation about it because we aren’t really represented in the media. For example, the author of Me Before You said she has never even spoken to a quadriplegic. It’s no wonder that she portrayed the main character as a pathetic doorstop that needed to be mercy killed.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Lisa a k.a. 'Bunchy' · November 18, 2017

    This was fantastic! You are very funny. Though disabled, I’m not a wheelchair user, though I do have one on ‘stand-by’. I have an ileostomy bag too, but it’s never been a problem for my sexual partners. I can’t have it ‘up the bum’, as that’s all been taken away and sewn up. I’m just grateful that it was done before I ever tried that particular pleasure. I feel terrible for homosexual men who have gone through my surgery, however.
    I’ve never seen a blog post quite like this. SO refreshing! May have to get on to the husband about looking into a gimpy sex swing for ourselves. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • askagimp · November 18, 2017

      Swings are loads of fun. The ones that hang from the door frame make me laugh like a big donkey because they kind of look like those bouncy things babies use.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Lisa a k.a. 'Bunchy' · November 18, 2017

    HA HA!! 😂

    Like

  4. darlenebeckjacobson · December 7, 2017

    You are brave and kind to share such intimate parts of your life. Thank you for showing us that your life is much like that of the rest of us…we all struggle to find our way and be happy in our circumstances. May your life continue to be full. hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

    • askagimp · December 7, 2017

      You are so sweet! Thanks and I wish you the best, too.

      Like

  5. valeriedavies · February 11, 2018

    I found your answers really refreshing… I have a nineteen year old step granddaughter who is a quadraplegic since a riding accident, and have so often wondered what sort of joy life could hold for her in the future… You give me hope that she can find a way as you have with your particular disabilty…thank you…

    Liked by 1 person

    • askagimp · February 11, 2018

      I won’t lie, it is hard in the beginning. It’s not just about adjusting to a new life. You also have to mourn the life you thought you would have. Even minor things are a big deal for a teen and that is definitely not minor.

      I have found a lot of practical information through support groups. Ordinarily I would not advise someone to get medical advice on the internet, but most doctors are not able to give any guidance on the day to day issues, but especially sex. It’s almost as if they assume that we should not be concerned about something so frivolous, but it really is an important part of a relationship. I am currently pregnant and I even had a hard time finding an OBGYN that had ever treated a wheelchair user.

      I would suggest finding a group with similar issues for support. She’s very lucky to have someone like you to look out for her. She can also contact me if she wants.

      Like

  6. llbenjamin54 · March 3, 2018

    Loved this post! I don’t work with many people with intact marriages and families and sadly, this seldom comes up. You are a treasure-trove of info!

    Like

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